Is "The Lords Of Salem" really worth the time to seek out?

Rob Zombie's latest magnum opus "THE LORDS OF SALEM" opened last Friday (April 19th) but in actuality saying it "Opened" is being a mite generous since the geniuses at ANCHOR BAY decided to open it in only 354 theaters nationwide. It grossed about $600,000 in it's first weekend which is about half of it's actual budget & it should be able to recoup that money eventually thanks to foreign sales & it's eventual DVD/Bluray release. But did it get shortchanged theatrically?

It was fairly easy for me to see it since I live in NYC & the film was playing at five different theaters close to me. A lot of genre fans weren't as lucky as I was though, it either didn't open where they were or was so far away from them it wasn't worth the trip. One friend of mine drove 70 miles (Each way!) to see it. I admire him for his pluckiness but that's a long trip for most (If not all) genre fans, especially if they aren't sure of the film's quality.

I was the lone film lover in the audience last Friday afternoon. Normally I love being at a movie with little to no people in the audience since it means there won't be any glowing cell phones or crying children to bother me but it worked against me this time since "THE LORDS OF SALEM" is an especially unnerving film and it's end sequence takes place in a theater. I was in some serious doo doo sitting there all by myself.
                                                                                                                                 
                                                     

Satan? Or a midget calling himself Satan?

 "THE LORDS OF SALEM" stars Sheri Moon Zombie (Rob's muse) as Heidi Hawthorne, a local radio disc jockey who is part of a late night radio show along with two co-hosts, "Whitey" Salvador (Jeffrey Daniel Phillips) & Herman Jackson (Ken Foree). Apparently there is some romantic history between Heidi & Whitey which is constantly alluded to but it doesn't become too much of a hindrance to the main storyline. Heidi is also a recovering crack addict who regularly attends "AA" like meetings although she still enjoys swilling alcohol seemingly every chance she gets. One day she receives a ornate wooden box containing an L.P. in it. The only words on it are "The Lords" so she believes it's from a band with that name. She plays the record when she gets home and the strange dirge like music puts her (& other assorted women) in a trance of sorts. Bruce Davidson plays Francis Matthias, a author who is promoting his latest book on the Salem witch trials. He takes an interest in Heidi & the music on the L.P. as well. And unbeknownst to him, his interest in both Heidi & the music puts him in danger.

Three nasty neighbors

Living in an apartment below Heidi's are two sisters, Lacy (Judy Geeson) & Sunny (Dee Wallace) who are being visited by a third sister, Megan (Patricia Quinn). Of course they aren't exactly what they appear to be & they have a vested interest in Heidi. There's also an empty apartment on the same floor as Heidi's that isn't as empty as she thinks it is. Long story short, Heidi should have never played that record...

I don't want to divulge much more of the plot, no spoilers to be found here. Suffice it to say that Zombie has crafted an extremely disturbing (If not quite scary) motion picture. What "THE LORDS OF SALEM" does very well is create a feeling of dread as soon as it starts & it builds on that feeling as it continues, making the audience (Me) feeling extremely nervous throughout it's running time. I actually felt the dread coming off the screen & I would imagine that's the effect Rob was going for. For me it had the same kind of vibe that Polanski's "ROSEMARY'S BABY"(1968) had, the feeling that nothing good was going to happen to the main character. The feeling that she was doomed form the get go. Isn't it odd that in both of these films the leads were women?

Additionally Zombie seems to be a big fan of Stanley Kubrick, especially Kubrick's "THE SHINING" (1980). The second half of the film is so reminiscent of Kubrick's lone excursion into horror that if Zombie claims otherwise he's lying. Not that there's anything wrong with that though, his camera snakes along hallways & behind characters like a king cobra silently closing in on it's prey. The set design also adds immensely to the overall creepiness of the goings on. Most of the film is dark & moody which just emphasizes the dread that much more effectively. And as good everyone is here, special kudos must go to actress Meg Foster who plays Margaret Morgan, the leader of the witch clan (Who we see in flashbacks that relate to the rest of the film). Her performance is by far the bravest and most unnerving one in the film. She is completely unrecognizable in the role, so unrecognizable that I mistook her for character actor Brad Dourif! Additionally, she's nude in nearly all of her scenes which (While brave) is extremely distressing since she's made up to be filthy & unkempt. She's wearing dark contacts as well so her famously mesmerizing blue eyes are nowhere to be seen.

Is that really you Meg Foster?

Like I said earlier, I didn't find "THE LORDS OF SALEM" to be especially scary. I've been at this for a long time & I'm very hard to scare nowadays but it did succeed at unnerving me intensely. Maybe this was because I was alone in the audience, maybe not. But it really has a "Everyone is doomed" groove to it & I left the theater feeling especially nervous. It's important to note that because I've been accused of being jaded by others in the past. I've eliminated these yokels by the way, no one can call The Black Saint "Jaded" & expect to be on this mortal plane much longer afterwards. Any film that can unnerve me deserves my praise nowadays. What Zombie has created here is a nightmarish fever dream filled with extremely distressing images that work their way into your psyche & dig themselves a cozy little hole there. There's no way that you'll walk away from this movie without some of it staying in your head for awhile, and I think it's safe to say that that's the effect Zombie was going after.

But is it worth the time to find? I realize that Tom Cruise's latest blockbuster "OBLIVION" opened on the same day & perhaps the cowards at Anchor Bay thought that their film would be washed away in it's wake. To that I ask if they know the words "Counter Programming"? "THE LORDS OF SALEM" was made for a select audience, the type of audience that has no interest in Tom Cruise or any film that he's a part of. It's a sad state of affairs when a film aimed at the horror audience is hidden away from their view because of a bigger (& not necessarily better) movie opening the same day. I saw "OBLIVION" last week as well & it was a total turkey! Beautiful to look at but a complete & utter bore to sit through. You can read my review for it here: http://horrornews.net/70597/film-review-oblivion-2013/

Do you remember Tim Burton's "BATMAN"(1989)? More importantly, do you remember the film that opened against it? It was "HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS"(1989) which was aimed at a completely different audience & was a big hit. The same principal applies here and Anchor Bay has done the fans of horror a complete disservice by haphazardly tossing "THE LORDS OF SALEM" out like a handful of breadcrumbs to a few hungry pigeons. It'll turn a profit eventually since it was so cheap to make ($1.5 million) but it's a film that deserves to be seen on a big screen with a big audience. At the very least it deserved a chance to find it's audience but most of us will have to wait until it arrives on home video to see it and no matter what anyone says...it was made to be seen on a big screen.

It's the best horror film I've seen so far this year & that's despite the fact that it didn't scare me! It did better than scare me, it made me nervous.

And that dear acolytes, is something that's very hard to do.

Stay away from the light.....